Link and Peach's Wedding
by Flare Dragoness Reshiram
Summary: Sequal to Hidden Love. Yep, it's Link and Peach's wedding day! If you think everything's going to go right, you are so wrong. Enter stained dresses, 10' tall souffles, makeout sessions under tables, the Wedding Planner from Hell and so much more! Finished
1. Wedding Day Mishaps

**Okay, Link and Peach are ready to tie the knot! The only problem: the wedding plans are in knots themselves. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong!**

**Peach: Oh dear…**

**Yep. I'm so evil.**

**(This was originally going to be a twoshot, but… it got too long, so it's about five short chapters. Please bear with me.)**

**Link and Peach's Wedding**

-Chapter 1-

Wedding Day Mishaps

Location: Main Hall

Ritani Avalene was hired as the Wedding Planner and she had a migrane headache form all the wedding preparations. The wedding was only three hours from now, and she had all of her plans and info on her clipboard:

**Bride's Party**

Bride: Peach

Maid of Honor: Samus

Junior Bridesmaids: Toadette and Beth

Flower Girl: Nana

Bridesmaids: Zelda, Krystal, Daisy, Mei Ling, Lyn

**Groom's Party**

Groom: Link

Best Man: Pit

Ring Bearer: Young Link

Groomsmen: Marth, Fox, Snake, Popo, Roy

x-x-x-x-x

**Flowers and Favors**

-120 Party Favors

-7 bouquets of bluebells (Bridesmaids and Maid of Honor)

-1 basket of white rose petals (Flower Girl)

-1 bouquet of white lilies (Bride)

-8 single white roses (Groom's Party)

x-x-x-x-x

**Food**

5' swan ice sculpture

5 tier chocolate cake with white buttercream frosting adorned with pink frosted roses and green frosted ivy leaves

Main Courses: Hylian pike, Ordon catfish, Fried Cucoo, Mushroom Pot Roast, Mushroom Kingdom Signature Quiche

Drinks: Apple Juice and Fruit Punch (for kids); Bud Light, Mushroom Merlot, Hylian Cabernet, Hyrulean Beer, Arbor Mist, Heineken (for adults)

Food Servers: Midna, Birdo, Veran

Bartenders: Dark Link, Yoshi, Vaati

x-x-x-x-x

Yep, those were the plans… The only problem:

"Where's the effing cake?!"

"Dark Link, where's the beer?"

"My dress is the wrong size!"

"What the hell _is_ this?!"

"Why are the cucoos still alive? They're supposed to be frying!"

"Eyah! My hair!!!"

"Hey! Where are the slits for my wings?! Oh wait... this is Roy's tuxedo…"

"Ike! You took my spatula!"

"Why is this stain on Link's tuxedo?"

"Where's the bride's bouquet?"

Nothing was going exactly as planned…

"My shoes don't fit!"

"MY DRESS IS RUINED!!!"

"Falco, you burnt the fish!"

"Dammit, we ran outta broccoli!"

….Alright, that's an understatement. Everything was chaos and the wedding plans were becoming a train wreck. Ritani was ready to rip out her hair as the commotion, calamity, and confusion blighted the entire mansion.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Three veins were popping out of her temples.

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and looked at the intimidating 3' tall woman.

"Ganondorf, Bowser, front and center."

The two villains appeared in front of her, "What do you want?" asked Ganon in a nasty tone.

Ritani put her hands on her hips and spoke in a dangerous voice: "Are you catching a tone with me?"

Everybody, including the evil duo, pulled at their collars uncomfortably.

"The next time you catch a tone with me, I'll crawl so far up your ass, we'll be chewing on the same piece of gum…"

Ganon grabbed his butt and pleaded, "No! Not my beautiful ass!"

All the others broke out laughing before Ritani yelled, "**Shaddup**"

Dead silence. A pin dropped and it echoed throughout the whole mansion.

"You two are supposed to be watching Star and Darkholm. Why aren't you?"

"………"

"No answer? Well, you better get your dark chocolate, spikey behinds up to that nursery right now…" she eyed Bowser, "…or your momma's gonna hear from me."

Bowser panicked instantly, "No, no, don't tell my momma! Please! I just got off punishment!"

"Cool. I'm expecting a fat paycheck, and if I mess up this wedding, I won't recieve a dime. And I don't receive a dime, someone's gonna get it, and they're gonna get it BAD…"

The Smashers screamed… then they shut themselves up when they saw the angry look on the woman's face.

"Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good. Now beat it." All that was left of them were two dust clouds.

"And the rest of you!" Everyone flinched and Zelda fainted (not that anyone gave a crap at the time). "Get these preparations done and get them done right!"

"Y-Yes, ma'am…"

"Now get outta my sight!" 32 Smasher shaped dust clouds were all that was left. When Ritani turned her back, Samus and Nana snuck back out, grabbed Zelda, and darted out of sight.

_One Hour Later_

Location: Link's Room

Pit was helping Link with his white tuxedo.

"Nervous, Link?"

"Heh. Who wouldn't be?"

"Good point… and besides, I'm sure that—What the hell?" said the angel abruptly. He looked at the pink bowtie with disgust, opened the door, and screamed into the hallway, "WHAT RETARD SENT UP AN EFFING PINK BOWTIE? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BLACK!!!"

That very second, Popo appeared and said, "Sorry about that…" He took the pink bow and handed him a black one.

"Better…" and the angel slammed the door in his face. "Ow!" yelled the Ice Climber, "That was my toe, you stupid idiot!"

Pit walked back over to his best friend and proceeded to tie the bow around Link's neck collar. Then he stood back and admired his work, "Perfect!"

Link eyed himself in the mirror and smiled, "Like a million rupees!"

"Okay, now I need help finding my tuxedo…"

"Why not just wear your black tunic." asked the hero, laughing at his own joke.

Pit, who was only wearing a white T-shirt with dark-wash blue jeans, glared at his best friend and sarcastically said, "Wow. That was so funny I literally forgot to laugh…"

"Oh lighten up…"

_Meanwhile_

Location: Peach's Room

Peach and Zelda were getting themselves ready. Zelda, already dressed in her pale blue dress bridesmaid dress, was helping Peach put her corset on.

"Peach, you're already skinny…" she said, pulling at the laces, "…why the Nayru do you need this thing on?"

"Zel, I just gave birth to twins less than a month ago..." she gasped softly at the laces tightening the corset around her waist, "…I still have this baby weight to work off."

The Hylian princess giggled and said, "I'm sure you'll work all that off on the dance floor…" she tugged at the laces again, "…and in the bedroom…"

"Zelda!" Peach said in surprise.

"What? I'm just stating a fact, that's all…" She gave one last firm pull and tied them in a bow. "Okay, you're all set…" She looked at the Mushroom Princess's body; the corset really did slim her up a bit.

"How the heck are you going to breathe in that?"

"Easy… inhale, then exhale. Lather, rinse, repeat," replied Peach slyly.

"Oh no! There's huge red stain on your dress!" yelped Zelda, showing her the stained dress.

"What?!" Peach grabbed the dress, "I can't go down the aisle wearing this!"

--

**And if you think that's all, just wait. There are a lot more catastrophes to come. :)**


	2. 10' Tall Souffle Anyone?

**Alright, time for more insanity!**

Chapter 2

10' Tall Soufflé, Anyone?

Location: Kitchen

In the kitchen, Ike, Capt. Falcon, and Falco were in big trouble. It was three against one…

…one 10' tall soufflé.

"Falco, what the hell did you do?" asked Ike, staring at the inflated pastry.

"I followed the damn recipe like you told me!"

"Then why the hell is the soufflé bigger than us?"

"…I don't know! You're the frickin' chef!"

Capt. Falcon did some thinking while Ike fought the urge to chop Falco into chicken curry. The pastry kept expanding and it finally hit the bounty hunter: "How much yeast did you use?"

"Uh… 12 cups; just as the recipe said," answered the bird.

"What?!"

"Wait, that doesn't sound right…" Ike walked to the counter and scanned the recipe card. He sweatdropped and looked at the bird with an annoying expression, "This says ½ cups, stupid, not 12!"

Falco took the card and looked over it, "Ohh! So that's what that little slashy mark means!"

Ike wiped his face and moaned in disgust, "Please shoot me now…"

Falco loaded his Blaster and pointed it at the swordsman's face, "Hold still…"

The blue-haired man pushed him into a trashcan, "I didn't mean literally!"

As the bird pulled himself out the wastebasket, Falcon asked, "So how do we get rid of this thing?"

"Easy, just do this…" The avian took out a pin and was ready to pop the enormous souffle.

"NO, DON'T--"

POP! The pastry burst like a balloon and nearly blew the roof off the mansion.

Midna, Veran, Birdo, Vaati, Dark Link, and Yoshi, who were in the dining room, were startled by the sudden explosion.

"What the hell was that?"

"Got me."

Suddenly: "Now what hell is going on?!"

"Shit…"

"She's coming!"

All of them looked around frantically for a hiding place, and when Dark Link motioned toward the bar, the six jumped behind it and kept quiet just as Ritani appeared.

She burst through the kitchen doors and the three guys jumped three feet in the air, nearly wetting their pants.

"What in the world is--" but she stopped short when she saw the entire kitchen covered in soufflé. She looked over toward Capt. Falcon, Ike, and Falco, who were also covered in soufflé. The swordsman and the bounty hunter pointed to the bird pilot, who then pointed to himself in defeat.

"On second thought… I don't wanna know…" and she walked out.

The three Smashers wiped the sweat from their foreheads, "That was close…"

"I peed myself…" said Falco.

"…Dude… TMI…" replied Falcon.

Location: Dining Room-Bar

As soon as Ritani had ambled out of the dining room, the three table servers and three bartenders counted their lucky stars that they hadn't been discovered.

As the six came from behind the bar, Dark Link remarked, "That woman scares the crap outta me…"

Midna scoffed, "If it were up to me, I'd blast her away with a Shadow Ball right now…"

Yoshi looked at the clock, "Wahh! We only have 90 minutes left to set everything up!"

"And we haven't finished stocking the alcohol!" exclaimed Vaati.

The guys raced to the bar while the girls continued to set up the tables.

At the bar, Vaati was going through the boxes of alcohol and calling out the type of liquor while Dark stocked the shelves and Yoshi marked it off on the paperwork.

"Let's see… scotch… whiskey… rum… Hey!" He held up the empty bottle, "Why's all the rum gone?"

"………"

Just then, a loud burp shook the room, and all eye shifted to Birdo. In her defense, she replied, "What?"

"Well, at least we know where the rum went…" said the green dinosaur, marking rum off the invoice.

"Now for the beer… Bud Light… Heineken… Dude! Hyrulean Beer! My favorite! I got dibbs on this!" he announced, waving it in the air, then handing it to Dark.

"You can even find this anywhere!" replied Dark, placing it on the shelf.

"Okay, wines…" said Yoshi.

"Wine is a chick drink," remarked the shadow in disgust.

"I heard that Darky-kun!" yelled Midna.

"Damn… alright, read 'em off."

The Minish opened the third box and called out, "Arbor Mist… Hylian Cabernet… Mushroom Merlot…"

"Check, check, and check…" replied Yoshi.

"Now we're done!" said Vaati.

"Not exactly…" said the dinosaur.

"What you talkin' 'bout, Yoshi?" replied Dark in a Gary Coleman voice.

"Follow me," he said. He led them to the back room and pointed to a mountain of boxes, "You're got twenty more."

Vaati gaped at the mountain and fell over while Dark just lost it, "NOOOOOOOOOO…(takes deep breathe) …OOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Yoshi slapped his forehead, "…I'm surrounded by idiots…"

Meanwhile, in the dining room, Midna, Veran, and Birdo weren't having any better luck.

Midna was cleaning tables, Veran was placing tablecloths on the tables, and Birdo was setting up the silverware.

The Twilian princess was at Table 4 when she heard some strange noises coming form under the table. She lifted up the tablecloth to reveal Fox and Krystal… making out. Both were red in the face when they saw her, "…uh… er… um…. Hi?"

Midna sighed, "I'll call you 10 minutes before the wedding starts…"

"Thanks, Mids, you're a life saver!" replied Fox.

"Now, where were we?" Krystal asked him seductively before they started kissing again.

The Twili put the tablecloth back down and happily thought, '_I remember how Dark and I were like that before we got married…'_

On the other side of the room, Veran was trying to put a white tablecloth on Table 10, but her heel accidentally snagged it and the cloth ripped in the center, "…Oh crap…"

"I heard that thing rip all the way over here!" replied Birdo, who was by Table 23.

"What do I do, then?! I can't let Ritani see this! She'll freak!"

"Correction: she'll explode."

"...Point taken…"

"Just put a centerpiece on it or something!"

Veran did so, but the centerpiece was too heavy. It slid off the table and fell to the floor, breaking in a bunch of shards, "…HELP!"

Midna and Birdo ran over and saw the broken décor, "…You better fix that or you're dead…"

"How?!"

"Why not use your magic?" asked Birdo.

"Oh yeah… I forgot…" Veran used her dark magic to try and fix it, but it only broke into even more pieces, "…uh…"

"Gimme that. Let a pro show you how to do it…" Midna attempted to use her magic, but it transformed into a Link plushie, "Oops… That's not right…"

"Let me try…" Veran used a different spell, but it only took the clothes of the Link plushie. Midna looked at it and started drooling; Birdo slapped her across the face, "Snap out of it!"

Midna held her face, "Ouch… Bitch…"

Birdo sucked up the naked Link plushie, chewed it up and spat it back out. It came out as a naked Ganondorf plushie, "Ew…"

"That's sick…"

"Gross!"

Location: Marth and Roy's Dorm

The radio was on full blast in Marth and Roy's room.

As Fergie's "Glamorous" played, the two swordsmen were dancing with empty beer bottles in their hands.

"Oh yeah, baby, Roy knows how to shake that thang to make the ladies go wild!" shouted Roy, his hips shaking haphazardly from side to side.

"Yeah… yeah me, too. Did I ever tell about the time I was dancing with Samus and Peach last year, and… and I was making them dance with me… and then Link, Mario and Pit got mad… and they threw a car at me… But then I told them to shut up because I wasn't fat and that I could drive a tomato with my eyes closed… and then they said yes I was… I said nu-uh, they said uh-huh.. and then--" Marth finally passed out on the floor.

--

**More insanity to come!**


	3. We Need Lives

**Chapter 3 is right here!**

**Peach:**** (sarcasm) Joy…**

Chapter 3

We Need Lives…

Location: Dining Room

"It's still not turning back into the centerpiece, guys!" complained Veran, now holding up a little brown rat, "Maybe I'm doing something wrong…"

"Maybe you are…" said Birdo sarcastically.

"Maybe it's because you have the I.Q of a brick," remarked Midna, rubbing her temples.

Veran glared at her and said, "Watch it, Imp-Girl…"

Midna snatched the rodent from her and used more of her magic and turned it back into the swan centerpiece, all in one piece, "See…"

"Well, then how come you couldn't do that the first time?" asked Birdo.

"I wanted Veran to learn on her own, but, as I said just now, she has the I.Q. of a brick…" replied the Twilight princess, setting the decorative piece on the table.

As Midna went back to cleaning tables, Birdo simply shrugged as Veran fought the urge to run over her sister with a tank.

Location: Marth and Roy's Room

The blue and red-headed swordsmen were both on the floor, knocked out from getting drunk the night before.

Right then, Link and Pit walked in, "Hey, have either of you seen my…" They stared at the two on the floor, "…tuxedo?"

"If they did, they can't tell us right now…"

"Well, duh…"

"Come on, let's try splitting up. We're running out of time…"

"Good idea."

Link headed for the dining room and Pit ran for the backyard.

Location: Peach's Room

"Good thing Pichu had that Tide-to-Go Bleach Pen in his room," replied Zelda, applying the last of the bleach to the remaining stains on the hem of the wedding dress, "…There we go: stain's gone!"

"I know… Nothing should go wrong now…"

Unfortunately, Peach spoke too soon because right then, Zelda felt the front of her dress get wet. When the Hylian princess looked down, she screamed her lungs out, "AH! MY DRESS!"

"The bleach pen leaked out!"

"My dress is ruined!" yelled the Hylian as she stared at the huge white splotch on the front of her gown. "I have to get this stain out!"

The Mushroom princess looked up at the clock, "There's no time! You and the other girls have to get downstairs!"

"But, what about my--"

"Forget the damn dress! You have to go, now!"

Zelda didn't even think twice as she turned and ran out. However, the door was still closed and she left a Zelda-shaped hole in it when she ran through.

"Crap! ZELDA, YOU BROKE MY DOOR!"

"Sorry!" was heard the next second from downstairs.

Peach ran to her bed, yanked the sheet off, and placed the linen over the doorframe, "It'll have to do until Link can repair it for me…"

Location: Hallway

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"Nope…" replied Luigi.

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"Sorry…" said Popo.

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"No..." said Luigi.

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"Uh-uh…" answered Diddy Kong.

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"I am Pit, stupid."

"My bad… Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"I already said no…" answered Luigi, getting irritated.

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"No, I haven't…" replied Pokemon Trainer.

"Have you seen Pit's tuxedo?"

"THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE ASKED ME AND I SAID NO!" Luigi yelled.

"SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"

"BECAUSE I'M PUITTING UP DECORATIONS?!"

"WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING IN CAPS LOCK?"

"BECAUSE THE STUPID AUTHORESS SUPERGLUED HER FINGER TO THE SHIFT KEY."

"OH, SHE MUST BE STUPID THEN."

"I JUST SAID THAT!"

"HAVE YOU SEEN PIT'S TUXEDO?"

"YOU ALREADY ASKED ME, DOOFUS!"

"OH, YEAH, I FORgot and—why am I shouting? And what's up with Pikachu?" asked Link, looking at the white pokemon.

"We ran out of paper lanterns for the decorations, so we had to use Pikachu and color him white to blend in. Oh, and he's the power source, too…" said Ness, tying Pikachu on the string by his waist.

"…You people scare me…" replied Link.

Location: Backyard

"Had anyone seen my tuxedo?"

No one paid attention.

"Has anyone seen my tuxedo?"

No one paid any attention.

"IF SOMEONE DOESN'T TELL ME WHERE THE CRAP MY TUXEDO WENT, I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!"

"KIRBY HAS IT!" Everyone said frantically.

"Thank you…"

Location: Link's Room

Link was sitting on the bed, tired from running around the whole mansion looking for Pit's tuxedo. He was about to fall asleep when said angel came bounding into the room, "Finally found it! Kirby was about to eat it, so I had to bribe him with Metaknight's cape. Metaknight's pretty pissed, but then again, we all know he's crazy… well, never mind that now, the wedding starts in five more minutes!"

"…Okay…"

--

Pit was able to throw everything on in less than two minutes, "Okay, I just need help with my tux coat…"

"Alright…" Link grabbed the coat, "…shouldn't be too hard."

He succeeded in getting the right wing in the coat, but the trouble started when they tried to get the left one through.

"Oh, goddesses-dammit, it's stuck!"

"Well, get it unstuck! My wing is starting to cramp!" complained the angel.

"Alright, alright, just give me a second to think! …uhm…"

"NOW, YOU IMBICILE! IT'S GOING NUMB!"

Meanwhile, outside the room, Samus and Nana were walking past when they heard:

"Come on, Link! Get it in there!"

"I'm coming!"

"Come faster!"

Samus and Nana had O.o expression.

"It might not be what we think…"

"Maybe so, but that was just plain weird…"

Back in the room, Link had his foot firmly planted on Pit's back for leverage to pull his wing through the slit.

"Almost... got it… and…"

BAM!

Pit's wing finally came through, but it hit Link square in the face and knocked him into last year.

"Link?" He looked down at the unconscious hero, "…oops…"

Samus and Nana came bursting through the door, "You said 'oops.' What happened?"

"…uh… I accidentally hit Link in the face with my wing, and now's he knocked-out…"

"What?!"

"Well, get him up, then! We're supposed to be at the ceremony now!" replied Samus.

Nana patted Link's face with her cold, icy hand, but to no avail, "He's not coming around, you guys!"

"Dammit all…"

--

**And Link is down for the count! See what happens next chapter! Yeah, I was evil enough to leave you with a cliffy! HA!**


	4. At the Ceremony

**I'm back…**

**Smashers:**** (scream)**

**Muhahaha! Yes, I will torture you all 'til no end!**

**Marth:**** If you stop acting stupid, I'll kiss you.**

…**I will now direct your attention to the next installment.**

Chapter 4

At the Ceremony

Location: Link's Room

"He's still not responding!"

"And we should've been downstairs five minutes ago!"

Link was still out cold on the floor while Samus, Nana, and Pit struggled to get him up. Nothing seemed to be waking him up…

…until, "Let me try this…"

Pit started rummaging through Link's closet. He pulled out a green tunic, "No…" He yanked out a set of Triforce pajamas, "Nope…" He found a pair of black leather pants, "…Hell no…" Then he came to it, a fairy in a bottle, "Aha! Here we go!"

He ran back over to the unconscious groom and released the fairy from the bottle. It flew around him and the Hylian finally started to come around.

Location: Marth and Roy's Room

"Marth… Roy… you guys in here?"

Popo and Daisy poked their heads into their room and saw that the two swordsmen were passed out on the floor, "Oh dear…"

"I told them not to go to that stupid club yesterday!" complained Popo.

"Why are we standing here, then? We gotta get them up!"

Location: Link's Room

Link opened his sapphire orbs and looked around at the three Smashers kneeled beside him, "What happened?"

"Pit knocked you the hell out," answered Nana.

He glared at his winged best friend, who nervously laughed, 'I remember that part… but how long was I out?"

"A good ten minutes, but I found a spare fairy in your closet and it woke you up…" replied Pit.

"Nice… what time is it?"

Samus looked at the clock in horror, "It's 5:10! We're late!"

"Dammit, we should've been downstairs already!"

"Well, then why are we still sitting here? Let's get a move on!"

The four Smashers mad-dashed out of the room at top speed, where they met up with Popo, Daisy, and (suspiciously) sober Marth and Roy. But when they got to the stairs, Samus's heel caught on the rug and she collided with everyone else, sending them tumbling down the long flight of stairs before landing at the bottom in a tangled heap.

"My head…"

"My ankle…"

"My back…"

"My wing…"

"My arm…"

"My hair!"

"My sword…"

"Which one?"

"The one in my pa--"

"SHUT UP, PERV!"

Location: Backyard; Wedding Ceremony

Link, Samus, Pit, Roy, and Marth finally got down to the backyard a few minutes later.

Samus joined the seven bridesmaids on the left side of the altar while the guys went to the right side.

Mario, who was going to be the pastor, made his way to the altar and greeted Link, "You nervous?"

"A little… but I'm more excited than nervous," the hero answered truthfully.

"That's good to hear," said the plumber. He went to step up to the podium, but he tripped, "Ouch!"

Snake and Mei Ling were ready to help him, but he objected, "No, I'm fine… oh, I really need to lay off the pasta…"

"It wouldn't kill the guy…" Snake mumbled to a giggling Mei Ling.

At that moment, Metaknight, dressed in a black tuxedo with tails came waddling down the aisle, looking very modest and reserved. At the other podium to the right of the altar, he took out a bow toward the audience, pulled out a long silver conductor's baton, and tapped it on the wooden podium. He proceeded to conduct the string quartet as they played "The Star Spangled Banner."

"What the—no, stop stop! Wrong song!" shouted the masked puffball.

"Oh…" the four violinists flipped through the pages of their sheet music, "Okay, we've got it."

Metaknight conducted them again and they wound up playing… "Faint" by Linkin Park…

"Ok, just stop, stop, stop, stop! You're supposed to be playing "Wedding March!" he yelled.

"Oh yeah."

"That's right…"

"This is a **wedding**!"

Everyone at the altar held their foreheads and shook their heads in embarrassment. Metaknight groaned in frustration and conducted the quartet one more time, and they finally played the right song… off key.

Suddenly, Nana, dressed in a light blue dress with tiny blue roses pinned in her hair, came prancing down the aisle as she tossed white rose petals to her left and right.

After her came Young Link in his black tuxedo, carrying a white satin pillow with a diamond heart ring resting on it. He had a few sweatdrops rolling down his brow as he thought, _'Don't fall. Don't trip. Don't drop the ring. Don't do anything stupid.'_

At the end of the aisle, Nana stood beside Toadette and Young Link stood next to Link. Both 10 year olds locked eyes and winked to each other: _Good job._

Then came Toadsworth who was escorting his granddaughter, Peach.

The blushing bride was wearing an elegant strapless white dress with a matching floor-length veil. He sunny blond hair was tie up into a high ponytail with two curled section framing her porcelain face. In her gloved hands, she held a large bouquet of white calla lilies.

Everyone "ooh'd" and "ahh'd" at the princess's beauty as she slowly walked down the aisle with the train of her gown trailing behind her. However, Toadsworth tripped and the train covered him, tangling him within the fabric. As Peach kept walking, she was unwittingly dragging Toadsworth with her.

The blond princess was getting that light-headed feeling again as she got closer and closer to the altar. Her heart was beating through her chest: _'This is so nerve-racking! Oh, I hope I don't fall out… That'd be a disaster!'_

After what seemed like an eternity (to Peach), she arrived at the decorated altar and faced Link who said, "You look beautiful…"

"Thank you…" she replied with a smile. Somehow, his words always seemed to soothe her weariness. "…Hey, where's Toadsworth?"

Muffled cries were coming form under her dress. She lifted it up to reveal her mushroom grandfather, who was dizzy from being dragged so far. Link grabbed him and placed him on his feet, "Are you able to stand up on your own?"

"Mghableagayu…" replied the dizzy toad.

"…I'll take that as a yes…"

The hero looked at Peach and they smiled at each other as Mario cleared his throat:

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two souls: Link Masterson and Princess Peach Toadstool. Let their love be strong and let no man tear asunder…

Do you, Link Masterson, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband—whoops…"

The audience laughed their asses off, Peach leaned her head on Link's shoulder as they both snickered, the wedding party at the altar tried to suppress their giggles, and Ritani struggled to keep herself from pulling out an AK-47, "This is just not my day…"

"Okay, let me try that again… Do you, Link Masterson, take this _woman _to be your lawful wedded _wife_? Do you promise to love her, honor her, and care for her?"

"I do."

"Do you promise to lover her for better or for worse; in sickness and in health; for richer or for poorer?"

"I do."

"Now, do you, Peach Toadstool, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, honor him, and care for him?"

"I do."

"Do you promise to love him for better or for worse; in sickness and in health; for richer or for poorer?"

"I do."

"Excellent. Now may I please have the rings?"

Young Link stepped forward and Link took the diamond ring off the pillow while Samus passed Peach a solid gold ring.

"And now with the giving and sharing of rings, we shall seal this promise.

And if anyone has an objection as to why this couple shouldn't be wed, let him or her speak now or forever hold their peace…"

There was complete and total silence…

…then, "I have an objection…"

--

**CLIFFY! HA! I am soooo evil!**

**Peach:**** Who dares to object to my wedding! I'll kill that bitch or bastard!**

**Chill, Peach…**

**Peach:**** WHO ARE YOU TELLING TO CHILL?!**

**(panicking) Uh… uh… Pit! I was telling Pit to chill!**

**Pit:**** (completely oblivious to what's going on) Huh? What just happened? **

**You know what to do!**


	5. Objection!

**Look who's back!**

**Peach:**** Now can we find out who objected to my wedding?!**

**Yes, Peach…**

Chapter 5

Objection!

Gasps were heard all over the place.

Samus dropped her flowers in disbelief; everyone at the alter had their jaws on the floor; Princess Rosalina passed out in the audience; Toadsworth blinked twice; Roy shouted, "Boob!"; and Kirby ate a piece of cake.

Everybody looked toward the back to see…

...Ilia standing up.

"Ilia, sit down!" Colin whispered angrily, trying to get her to sit.

"No… I have to say this. Link, I love you and I want you. Please stop this wedding and come be with me…"

Confused murmurs were heard from the entire crowd as Link replied, "Ilia, I love you too, but only as a friend… Besides, I can't stop the wedding now. I love Peach and my kids."

"No, you don't! I know you don't! I know the only reason you're marrying her is to become a prince!" exclaimed the farm girl.

The crowd emitted louder gasps of shock and disbelief and two more people fainted.

This time, Peach stepped in: "How dare you accuse my husband of such… blasphemy!"

"He's not your husband yet! And if I can help it, he never will be!" With that, she jumped out of the crowd and ran for the altar. Before she could get there, however, someone tripped her up and she fell to the ground.

"Security! Get her out of here!" yelled Peach.

Two red Toads grabbed Ilia, placed her in handcuffs, and escorted off the Smash Manor premises.

"I'm very sorry. Please continue…" replied the embarrassed princess.

"Uh, right… ahem... Sharing of the rings will commence and stuff…" said Mario.

Link slid the diamond heart ring on Peach's finger, then she placed the gold band on his.

"And with the power invested in me and all that is good and right, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Link, you may kiss the bride."

Link and Peach happily took themselves in each other's arms and they shared their first kiss as husband and wife as everyone cheered and applauded.

"And now, Pit and Zelda will proceed to fire two light arrows into the sky for good luck…"

The two aforementioned Smashers took out their bows and walked to the middle of the aisle. Zelda went to prepare her bow, but she accidentally let go of the string and the arrow was headed right for Peach!

Link's sixth sense kicked in, and he immediately dragged his new wife to the ground as the arrow whizzed right over them. The crowd struggled for breath as they witnessed the princess nearly get killed.

"Sorry!" replied Zelda, preparing another arrow.

The couple dusted themselves off and stood up from off the ground.

"Ready?"

"Yeah…"

The Hylian princess and the angel readied their bows, aimed for the sky and fired. Two thin strips of light flew through the cobalt sky as Link and Peach looked on with excitement.

"I'll be right back, guys. I just need to get something upstairs," announced Zelda, walking toward the mansion.

Location: Front Yard

"Ilia?"

"Over here, Zelda," replied Ilia, looking red in the face.

"You did a great job back there…" remarked Zelda, "…even though it didn't work…"

"I still can't believe I agreed to do that for you! Link might never talk to me ever again because of this!" said Ilia, starting to get upset.

"Well, I already told you that I didn't care about your friendship with Link. Here's your money," said the princess, handing her a bag with 500,000 rupees in it, but the girl refused to accept it.

"You can keep your damn money. I don't want it anymore, and to tell you the truth, I think Link and that other girl make an absolutely adorable couple. Why are you so hell-bent over Link not being with you?" asked the farm girl.

"Because that's supposed to be ME getting married to him, not HER!" replied the princess, "And if you think they make such a cute couple, why'd you agree to help me, hmm?"

"Because I'm loyal to the princess of Hyrule… but next time you have beef with another couple, how about you leave me out of it, okay?"

"Whatever…"

"And one last thing. They have kids for crying out loud!" Ilia composed herself before adding, "You know this is going to come back to bite you in the ass, right?"

"I don't give a crap about Karma. Karma can kiss my ass," replied Zelda nastily.

"Well, with that attitude, I hope it bite you in the ass very soon." Ilia walked off down to the airport to go back to Hyrule.

"Hmph… well that only shows you can't depend on everyone." Zelda turned on her heel and went back to the wedding.

--

**Yup, conspiracy! HA!**

**Ilia:**** I wish I could tell Link what really happened… I feel so bad now.**

**Don't worry, you'll be able to tell him soon. I promise.**


	6. The Wedding Reception

**I'M BAAAACK!! FEAR ME, INFERNAL FOOLS!**

**(crickets chirp)**

**Oh, forget you, people… :P (But I still luvs ya!)**

Chapter 6

The Wedding Reception

Location: Dining Room/Bar

Ritani, who was MCing, came over the microphone and announced, "Link and Peach will now take their fist dance as husband and wife."

The newlyweds took each other's hand, made their way to the dance floor and took their positions. Link placed his hands on Peach's waist while she rested her arms around his neck. As "You Know That I Love You" by Donnell Jones played, the couple began to dance slowly as the audience watched.

"We finally did it…" said Link, "…we tied the knot."

"I know… I still can't believe this is happening. Please tell me that this isn't a dream…" replied Peach.

Link suddenly dipped Peach, dropped a kiss between her cleavage as the crown laughed and raised her back up, "No… this is real."

"Good… and I hope you know the other kids were watching, you naughty little thing…"

"Meh, forget them right now. Let's just focus on you and me…"

The princess laughed, "Yes, sir…"

As the couple continued, Ritani made another announcement, "Anyone who would like to join them may do so now."

Many people were afraid to get on the dance floor so soon. It was almost like a high school dance: everyone was looking at the ground uncomfortably.

"You people are wimps…" said Ritani.

Pit, who was known as the shyest Smasher in the tournament, decided to disband that stereotype and prove that he wasn't shy at all. He got up from his seat and walked over to Beth, who looked at him curiously. Pit gathered up his courage, held out his hand and asked, "Um… would you like to dance with me?"

Beth had been waiting for this moment her whole life. As she took his hand, the 10 year old Ordonian smiled, "I'd love to!"

The two ran onto the dance floor and imitated Link and Peach.

Marth and Zelda decided to do the same as soon as Luigi and Daisy stepped in.

"Come on, Snake, let's go," Mei Ling pleaded.

"…I'm not sure--"

"Oh come on, you big bearded baby!" exclaimed the woman, grabbing him and practically dragging the spy onto the dance floor

"Mei--- WHOA!!"

Lyn and Ike participated in the dance and were joined by Toad and Toadette, Roy and Samus, and Fox and Krystal.

Nana was now the only girl of the wedding party without a partner as she looked at the other nine couples on the dance floor.

Popo and Young Link looked at each other, then at Nana, and ran for it.

"She's mine!"

"No, she's mine!"

Both tackled each other and wound up on the floor, tossing and turning before landing at the flower girl's feet.

"NANA, WANNA DANCE WITH ME?!" they both asked.

_Hmm… I like them both… but I don't want to break one of their hearts by choosing the other… _"Can't I just dance with both of you?" she asked innocently.

Heart containers filled the two boys' eyes as the flower girl took their hands and pulled them onto the floor with her.

--

After the dance, everyone was hungry and decided to have dinner.

Midna, Veran, and Birdo went to the kitchen, got some of the many food entrées, and began serving the 40 tables in the reception hall.

Yoshi, Dark Link, and Vaati were pretty busy at the bar. Already, they had served more than 20 customers, and it seemed that the Hyrulean Beer and Heineken were the most popular; both drinks were going like hotcakes.

"Uh, ma'am…" called out Peach's mother.

Midna came by and asked, "Yes?"

"My steak is too dry… please have your chef do something about it…" said the mushroom, handing her the plate.

Midna took it and looked at it, "…Uh, okay…"

She went to the kitchen and looked at Ike, "Table 38 says her steak is too dry…"

Ike, who was still miffed about the soufflé incident, wasn't in the mood for complaints. He grabbed a rat off the floor and a bottle of beer, then emptied the bottle into the rat's mouth. After shaking the rat, the rodent got sick all over the steak. The swordsman sprinkled some parsley on it, handed Midna the plate, and replied, "Tell her Bon-Appetite."

Midna, stared at the plate, and said, "You are my hero. I should do this to Zant sometime…"

Meanwhile, Ralis, who was eating a bowl of soup, pulled out a feather and replied, "Uh, waitress?"

This time, Veran assisted him, "Is something wrong?"

"There was a feather in my soup," he said.

"Where is it now?"

"Right here," he said, showing her the wet feather.

"Well, there was no need in calling me if you were able to get it out yourself…" With that, Veran walked off, leaving the Zora prince red in the face with anger.

"Waitress!" yelled Purlo.

"Yeah?" asked Birdo.

"Uh, I need your help. There's a fly in my soup…"

Birdo looked into the bowl, "Looks like he's doing the backstroke…" and she walked away.

Purlo, who was now mad about the poor service, chucked a roll at Birdo's head. The pink dinosaur, turned around, picked up the bowl of soup and put it on top of his head, dumping soup all over the STAR game owner, "There. Is there a fly in your soup now?"

As the waitress left, Purlo groaned and said, "I knew I should've stayed home to organize my Prince and Britney Spears CD's…"

--

About an hour later, Ritani came over the microphone once more and announced, "It is now time for the cake service. And our cake cutters will be none other than our new bride and groom."

Link and Peach got up from their private bistro at the front of the room, and walked across the room to the huge cake.

"Hey… there's a big chunk of the cake missing…" said Peach, looking at the gaping bite mark at the bottom.

"Kirby…" was the first thing Link said.

"…Should've known…"

They grabbed the knife together, and proceeded to cut the first slice of cake when the glass stage holding up the small top tier of the cake leaned over and fell onto the floor with a crash.

"Oops…"

The whole dining room erupted in laughter the next second as did the newly married couple, only to see that Kirby had then swallowed the whole cake, "Hiii!"

"………" said the crowd.

"Hey… I was gonna eat that…" said Link.

"…I should be laying off the sugar until I get the baby weight off…" replied Peach.

"So, there's no cake?" asked Young Link.

"Nope…"

"NUUUEZ!"

"Oh, the HORROR!"

"I want my mommy!"

Ritani, on the other hand, walked out of the dining room, went outside, and screamed so loud, the people on Earth heard her.

--

**Last chapter is coming up! Hope you like!**

**And that whole steak-rat thing, I go that from Family Guy. :)**


	7. Enemies Turned Friends

**Alright, last chapter! I really hope everyone enjoyed the fic! As a bonus for all my reviewers, I've included a "trailer" as a sneak peek of the sequel to this. :)**

**P.S. I am soooo sorry I'm late with this! Had a bunch of crap come up over the holiday… **

Chapter 6

Enemies Turned Friends

Location: Mushroom Dorm

The wedding had ended an hour ago. Many of the guests had gone home already, but those that decided to sleep overnight stayed at the mansion.

Among a few other Smashers, Link and Peach were the only ones still awake. They were walking to the Mushroom Dorm where Ganon and Bowser were playing with the Star and Darkholm.

**Knock Knock**

"Yeah?" asked Bowser.

"It's us," said Peach through the door.

"Just a sec…" The Koopa king got up from the floor and answered the door, "Hey, uh… congrats."

"Thanks. I hope the kids weren't any trouble," said the princess.

Bowser looked up at the ceiling…

_Flashback_

"_SHE'S GOT A KNIFE!" _

"_WELL, HE'S GOT LINK'S SWORD!"_

_Star and Darkholm were laughing like homicidal maniacs as they ambushed Ganon and Bowser in the kitchen._

"_I want my cookies NOW!" screamed the little girl, pointing the knife at the Gerudo._

"_Wait! You're only four months old! How can you be talking already?!"_

"_That's none of your business," said Darkholm. "Now make with the cookies before we castrate you both!"_

_End Flashback_

"Nah, they were little angels… Not a problem at all…" said Bowser, a drop of seat rolling down the side of his face.

"May we come in?"

"Uh, yeah…"

The couple walked into the room and looked at their babies giggling at Ganon playing peek-a-boo with them, "Oh, hey…"

"Look, I know we didn't invite you guys to the wedding, yet you were still kind enough to look after the kids. So to show our thanks, we brought you two a tray of food and alcohol from the wedding," replied Peach, handing them the huge tray.

Bowser took it from her and said, "…Thanks…"

As Link picked up the kids, he asked, "If it's not any trouble, you wouldn't mind being the kids' permanent babysitter, would you?"

"…Maybe. If there's food involved…" said Ganon.

Peach giggled and replied, "Will do. Thanks again."

Bowser was still confused, "Why are you two being so nice to us?"

Link and Peach glanced at each other, "Because we know you're not bad or annoying people. You just do bad and annoying things…"

"………."

"Look, we're willing to set aside our differences and try to get along with you guys if you're willing to do the same. I mean, we're going to be under the same roof until the tournament is over; we may as well try to get along instead of fighting like cats and dogs…" said the princess.

"Yeah," added the hero, "we fight enough as it is in our homelands. We all deserve a break from our usual bickering. Agreed?"

Bowser and Ganon looked at each other, "Well, it does get a bit annoying to kidnap you knowing that Mario is always going to be there to save you…"

"Same here… Trying to take over Hyrule isn't exactly a picnic either…"

"Truce?"

"…Truce."

The four shook on it and agreed to quit the childish bickering and try to get along with each other.

"Well… it sure has been a long day…" sighed the princess, "Ready to go back to the room, Honey?"

"Hell yeah… I'm tired…" answered the hero.

"We'll see you two tomarrow. Let's say, you join us for breakfast?" asked Peach.

"Uh… yeah, sure. Sounds great," said Ganon.

"Okay. Good night." With that, the couple left out the room and Ganon and Bowser pigged out on the food from the wedding reception.

Location: Link and Peach's Dorm

After Peach put the twins to sleep, she walked back into the bedroom to find Link ready to fall asleep. However, since Peach wasn't tired, she had other ideas…

"Link? You still awake?"

"…Barely. I'm really tired…" he said sleepily.

The princess sat on the side of the mattress, "Oh… that's too bad. I was hoping we could have a little fun… This is our wedding night after all…" As she said this, she unzipped the back of her dress and lowered it to reveal herself to her new husband.

Suddenly, Link wasn't so tired anymore…

--

**And there you have it! Their married! Now for "the trailer" I promised.**

_**They've been married for three months…**_

"Well, here's to us: Mr. and Mrs. Link Masterson…" said Link, giving Peach her glass of champagne.

_**And everyone is happy for them…**_

"Oh, they make such a cute couple…" mused Samus.

_**Except…**_

I can't stand seeing those two together… It makes me sick absolutely sick!

…_**Zelda.**_

I always have to fight the urge to snap that bitch's pretty little neck…

_**She can't stand the fact that Link and Peach are married and have kids…**_

If I had my way, I'd kill her and her bratty little kids right now.

…_**because…**_

I want Link all to myself. I'M supposed to be with him, not Peach.

…_**And nothing's going to stop her.**_

"You can't stop me. No one can stop me. I'm a princess, and I get what I want, when I want it and if you don't like that, well… You can go fuck yourself for all I care."

_**Now, Zelda has deception, lies, and an accomplice at her disposal…**_

"Put Link in my room, lock these two up in the closet, and then… you'll receive your payment like I promised."

…_**in order to break up Link and Peach forever.**_

With Peach gone, I can finally sink my claws into the one that is rightfully mine.

_**But secrets never stay buried for long…**_

"You're sick! You're sick! …And I'm going to tell everyone what you've done!"

_**And Zelda is so crazy in love…**_

I love Link more than words can describe…

…_**that she's slowly tipping on the brink of insanity.**_

I don't give a damn about Peach; I don't give a damn about her kids; and I don't give a damn about her perfect marriage. I'll kill that bitch faster than Snake can snap someone's neck.

_**In order to stop her…**_

"But it's so obvious that she set us up!"

"Yeah… there's got to be a way to find out…"

…_**the Smashers have to unite and learn that friendship and blood are thicker than water…**_

"I'll always be here to protect you and care for you. I'm not going anywhere because I'll always be there for you. I promise..."

**Let No Woman Tear Asunder**


End file.
